I woke up to what?!

   I will often get up early in the morning thirsty and go guzzle some water. This day was different. I wake up naked, climb over my naked husband start to walk to the kitchen and my toes are suddenly stepping in clothes with puke on them and wet cat food pebbles. I hop-scotch out and finally get out to the kitchen where I see the living room: the keyboard is on the ground...I was dazed and confused because my head hurt really bad for some reason so I thought I'd ask my husband "Babe, why is the lap top missing? Why is the file box open? And the television is knocked over....?"  He suddenly gets up and together we find a shovel sized hole in our bedroom door, beer and beer bottles all over the place, the freezer door shelves are ripped out, the frozen berries are across the room, and juice concentrate that  has dripped down and literally glued the refrigerator door shut.

          My head hurts really bad and I can feel bruises forming, and boy does my shoulder hurt and there's a big knick on my ankle. My husband has scratches literally all over his body and his hands hurt. We both work so we must get back to sleep. I get a warm Gatorade and puke another million times and end up sleeping for awhile with a bag of ice on my head. 

          Wake up again to take my husband to work cause we're very hung over and of course he missed the bus. I'm actually okay now, still very confused and my head still hurts to touch but I'm not throwing up anymore but I can't find my glasses anywhere.

I put in contacts. I can't find my keys anywhere.

We decide to just use my husbands, step outside the front door and there are some of my keys and a snapped-in-half bottle opener from my key chain. What the hell did we do we both asked each other. All we really remembered was the party where we drank beer steadily for four hours straight and guzzled two shots of Jameson and then was told it was over and we took a taxi home. Then we blacked out. 

          So here's how I think the story went that night based off what we heard from his coworkers and what we pieced together along the way: 

         We were waiting for the elevator when we were leaving but we were so drunk that we thought the elevator door was a good place to lean. So I fell into the elevator when it opened. I couldn't walk so my husband's helping me get to the taxi. Some coworkers were worried that the taxi would say we were too drunk but the driver said we were fine. I remember the driver distinctly because I kept talking about weed and how much I needed it and how amazing it was and I think my husband was shushing me because the driver kept laughing.  We made it home and my husband somehow carries me or gets me up the stairs. I must have dropped my keys upon entering the house and we were drunk so we just slammed the door breaking the key chain in half and the keys flew everywhere. When we cleaned the house the next day we found the other half of my keys across from the door but inside the house. 

       Then we opened the remaining beer from our fridge and spilled it everywhere then we got hungry because the food was taken away very early at the party. We went scrummaging through our own freezer and ripped out the shelves because we obviously must have been using them to stand so when we fell the shelves ripped out and the berries flew to the other side of the room. After that incident I probably wanted to go to bed so my husband carried me into the bed where I must have kicked the door causing the hole *and* the knicks in my ankle. My husband must have then wanted to watch tv and couldn't find the remote so while trying to turn it on, he knocked it over. Or something like that. That's about all I know. It was a really great night. Next time I'm going to leave more clues for myself. :)

Bad day

You know you're in trouble when you get out your supply and this is what you see...

getting buzzed in the parking lot

after work, i bought a 12 pack of beer.
we, four of us, sat in my jeep and drank half or more.
what a bonding stress reliever.
security guards passed a couple times but there was no problem.
we were just laughing and relaxing. i wouldn't take it back for a second.
...
...
though i would add a bowl to smoke.

Almost complete stoner breakfast

Of course this with a green bowl. Do I stand corrected? Nah, the only way to improve this scenario is with bacon. 

Breakfast

The only time I eat breakfast is if I've smoked a ton and have been up all night. I don't think I'll rest tonight until I've had an over easy egg over hash browns with bacon. Sounds perfect. I may go to bed just about now and wake up around 3 pm and make hash browns. Crazy life!

Drunk? Yes, I am.

Ha!
Yep.
Well, ok, so I only drank two beers but a bagel and a piece of bread don't give your stomach enough to process  the alcohol. I'm definately more drunk than a person who had eaten 3 meals today. But I'm close to opening another beer! Just 'cause I want something to drink. I'm hungry but we don't have what I want to eat so should I sleep, smoke more weed or eat something else? Yeah, that's what I thought. I am probably just gonna smoke some more, and go to bed. I may chug one more beer before doing so that I pass out right away. I have like 13 + hours till I work. Hopefully enough to find energy and motivation to wash the dishes holding up my kitchen.
Do you like the show Raising Hope?
Do you suck at typing when you're drunk? I do. I feel like I can't even type 5 characters without having to erase some and start over. Growl.
Thats all for today Folks!!!

Gravity, tomorrow!

If I can find my glass Sobe bottle, I'm lightin' up and havin' a gravity bong hit the best way possible! Sounds like such a treat. I literally think it's been at least a year and a half since I hit a Sobe gravity bong. How sad.

One hella long adventure

So the other day we needed weed. We live in Seattle, this should be a simple task. We had a buddy saying he'd get us it if we just got to his house. Eh, probably like 4 miles from our house. We took the craziest, longest route possible in the rain with shitty tires on the jeep. Everytime we needed to do a U turn, we were in so much traffic we had to turn onto a street. Once we were turned around, we were *seriously* turned around and kept going the wrong direction! Seriously, an hour later we finally get to the guy's house. We drive him to his buddies house with him as navigator. When he got back in the car, any nonstoner would have sworn we were sprayed by a skunk. This shit is DANK! We our navigator off at his house and attempt to take his easy directions home. Yah right! Lost again. Found some backwoods in Seattle though, the city lights were gorgeous. It was dark and there were no street lights on this windy road. Finally we pop out somewhere close to home. I really can't explain how desperately I wanted that bowl by the time we were home. We had argued the whole way of where to go and good grief in was exhausting but I tell you what: It was worth it for this dank herb.

Good morning

I miss my bong.

Pathetic. Just a little

Tonight, I go to the grocery store (the one I usually go to) to get a bottle of wine. I'm 22. As the cashier scans the wine and I'm reaching for my ID, the cashier says, "Oh, I know you. Don't worry about it! I must have seen you're ID 10 times."
How pathetic is that?! I frequently buy alcohol at a 24/ hour grocery store in BUSY Seattlle and despite me being only 22, the cashier KNOWS ME! Ahhhh maybe time to switch grocery stores? Or maybe not!!